The “No” Strategy

How often do you say “no” to things that would interfere with your goals?

I had a hard time saying ‘no’ during my twenties. I often found myself trying to please everyone around me – my family, friends, community, and so on. I wanted to be the ‘perfect girl’ that I thought I should be. But in reality, I was lying to myself and everyone else.

It took me years to learn how to say “no” to things I did not want to do or say. The last time I said “no” and did not regret it was last week, when my mom asked me to go to the mall with her for shopping. 😂

I do not enjoy going to the mall unless it is absolutely necessary.

 

The time when I said “no” that mattered the most was when I gave my previous employer a two-week notice. My boss asked me to stay, and promised to increase my salary. I simply looked at him and said “No, thank you!”

The job I had was a real burden! I had to work for 13 hours a day; I managed events. My work schedule varied a lot, starting as early as 5:00am and ending as late as 6:00pm, and during weekends, I had to work from 2:00pm until 3:00am. No, thank you!

 

I believe that having a healthy level of self-esteem plays a significant role in a person’s ability to say ‘No’ when necessary. 

I Teach My Kids to Say “No”

 

I always encourage my kids to say ‘no’ when necessary, even to me. My children are individuals, and my role as their mother doesn’t grant me absolute authority over them. They are free to disagree or agree with me whenever they want, with the exception of when they are misbehaving.

 

Teaching children to assert themselves and say “no” is essential for their personal boundaries and confidence. Here are some effective strategies:

 

Decision-Making Process:

• Teach your child a simple decision-making process. Ask questions like:

– “Would I feel proud of myself for doing this?”

– “Is it the right time to do it?”

• Encourage them to make choices that align with their feelings and values.

Practice Saying No:

• Role-play scenarios with your child where they practice saying “no” politely and confidently.

• Use responses like:

– “No, thanks.”

– “I can’t right now.”

– “I need to think about it.”

• Reinforce that saying “no” is okay and doesn’t require an elaborate explanation.

 

 Legal Pause:

• Teach your child to take a pause before responding.

For example, if someone asks them something, they can say:

 

– “I’ll be able to answer you in an hour.”

– “Let me think about it.”

– “Currently, I can’t give you an answer.”

– “After this pause, it’s easier to respond with a refusal.

 

 Empowerment:

• Explain that saying “no” is about protecting their boundaries and respecting their feelings.

• Affirm that they have the right to decline without feeling guilty.

• Remind them that they don’t always need to give a reason when saying “no” to peer pressure.

 

Remember, teaching children to say “no” helps them build self-confidence and navigate social situations effectively. Practice together and reinforce their ability to assert themselves respectfully.